Mentoring relationships can seem complicated and mysterious - but one of the first - and best - secrets to being a mentoring maverick is realizing that there is a 5-stage developmental arc to every mentorship relationship.
 

That's right! 5 stages that every professional relationship goes through, and it's parallel, but different - for both the mentor and the mentee in the relationship. So to be mentorship savvy, you need to know both sides of the relationship.

Once you understand this, you can assess your knowledge about each stage and improve your level of skillfulness in each stage.

Read a summary of the knowledge and skills you need to know on each side of the mentoring relationship. If you don't feel knowledgeable, stay tuned, as each week we'll share the secrets and etiquette of each stage. By the end of the month, you'll be a mentoring maven!

Mentors and mentees have parallel journeys, but need to learn different skills. Since many UCSF students and postdocs are simultaneously being mentors and being mentored, it is useful to know both sides of this invaluable relationship. Read on below to consider what you already know and what you seek to learn throughout the rest of MentorQuest!
 

Discover the parallel:

...and now you have unlocked the first of the five secrets to successful mentoring relationships! Come back next week to continue your journey to becoming a mentoring wizard!

Click here to assess yourself and complete your 1st quest!

Welcome to week 2: ‘identifying’ week. This week it’s all about identifying your goals and the types of mentors that students and postdocs often need. To do this, you just need to ask yourself 3 questions: What, Who and Which Types.

Q1: What are your goals or challenges over the next 6-12 months?

Think ahead to your next year. Can you summarize 1-2 major challenges you are facing, or 1-2 goals you want to reach in 1-2 sentances? (Why consider this? Because your challenge/goal is often the basis for the mentoring relationship, and shape what types of mentors you need.)

• Finish this sentence: “In the next 6-12 months, my major challenges/goals are to_________________________"

Things we've heard from students and postdocs:

• In the next 6-12 months, one of my major challenges/goals is to...
  • "use my time wisely! I'm the first in my family to attend dentistry school. It would be great to find someone to talk to about how to make the most of my time here to position myself for residency."
  • "get advice. I need some help in navigating some interpersonal problems I'm having with others in the lab."
  • "get some more experience.....I would love to find someone to complete a research project with that focuses on maternal child health."
  • "find out about the job market in Chicago."
  • get some support. I'm leaving UCSF next year, and it would be great to talk someone who is part of a dual career couple on the academic market (PhDs) /someone completing couples' match about their experience. (medicine) 
  • "start exploring postdoc opportunities in biotech."
  • "figure out how to do some preliminary research on clinics I might want to work at in the bay area if I don't get the job from my preceptorship."
  •  

Q2: Who do you need in your circle of support?

There are 6 archetypes of mentors that every person could benefit from in their community. Let’s start by having you read through them and identify who is already present and who is missing in your circle:

• Ask yourself: "Which archetypes of mentors are already in my circle, and who am I missing?"

  • The Field Support: People who are content experts and help you learn the knowledge and skills required to develop in your clinical or scientific discipline.
  • The Career Support: People who offer guidance on how to position yourself to pursue and succeed in a particular career path.
  • The Guide: People who show you the ropes or give you advice to navigate any new, complex or fraught setting or situation.
  • The Inspiration: This is support from someone who has a specific skill or quality you admire, or wish to develop in yourself. When you are around them, you are energized and inspired.
  • The Friend/Family: People who might know your field/career path, but they are safe; they definitely know and appreciate you, your strengths and weaknesses, and see the best in you.
  • The Sponsor: This person is specifically dedicated to your advancement. They advocate for you, make introductions and advise you on how to position yourself.

Q3. Which types of support would you appreciate from that mentor?

Based on your goals, you can do the final step: Clarify what type of help you might need. There are up to ten benefits that a mentor could offer you (very few mentors have the time and skills to offer all ten – it’s another reason why we all need multiple mentors). 

• Ask yourself:  "Which benefits do my mentors currently offer me, and which would I appreciate?"

  • 1. Time and attention
    2. Emotional support
    3. Role modeling/ inspiration
    4. Advice, direction
    5. Skill development

    6. Access to resources
    7. Access to opportunities
    8. Access to their network
    9. References/recommendations
    10. Protection

Finally - Put the pieces together.

Once you know your current goals, that the support you need, and who you already have in your circle, you can start to triangulate on who and what type of support you are looking for.  Read some examples that students/postdocs have articulated below.

For example, you might be...

• in your first year at UCSF, and appreciate a Guide Mentor, to ask for advice and direction on how to navigate things.
• having some trouble with figuring out how to calculate insulin levels or learn a new technique, and want a Field Mentor to help you develop this skill.
• in your latter half of your time at UCSF, and are beginning to think in earnest about career options, so you might want to advice from a Career Mentor on how to position yourself for a biotech
• feeling a little stressed and would appreciate some emotional support from a Friend Mentor just to talk to might help you rebalance and put things in perspective.
• part of a dual career couple going on the academic market, or couples’ match next year, and want to talk to other folks who are part of a dual career couple to serve as both Career Mentors before you get the position and Guide Mentors when you succeed. They would be touchstones to role model and inspire you about how to make it work.
• a last stage graduate student looking for a postdoc with a PI who will serve as a Sponsor and help you use your postdoc to position you for an tenure track position at an R1 institution, as well as give you access to their resources, opportunities, their network, and will offer you protection and references/letters of recommendation.

With this, you now are ready for the next step – how, and where, do you find these people? Tune in next week!

Click here to complete the 2nd Quest/enter our $50 rafflE! 

Your Lesson of the Week
Check out a list of mentoring opportunities at UCSF for students and postdocs

Now that you why you want a mentor, how do you find one? You have one of two paths: structured and 'find-your-own' mentoring opportunities.

Why would I choose a structured opportunity?
Structured mentorship opportunity is a mentorship program such as the First generation mentorship program or the LGBTQ mentorship program. These types of programs identify and pair you with a mentor as well as offer training and coaching throughout the mentorship experience.

• Pros: Each person is aware of their obligations in the mentoring relationship, as they are set by the program; you do not have to find your mentor/mentee, as they have been vetted by the program; you have structured support in each stage of the mentoring relationship.
• Cons: Limited choice of mentor/mentee; the program expectations may be more than you are willing/able to offer.  

Why would I choose 'Find-My-Own' mentoring opportunity?
Finding your own mentor, by attending networking events, conducting informational interviews, or checking out LinkedIn or UCSFconnect (which  allows you to search the UCSF community, including alumni, by keyboards and factors - including those that specific have clicked the 'open to mentorship' button  to find your own mentor.)

• Pros: Flexibility and autonomy - you can set your own expectations and boundaries for the mentoring relationship, and you can find a mentor or mentee that closely meets your identity, values or career goal preferences.  
• Cons: You do the work of managing every step of the relationship. You might feel you’re on your if your mentoring relationship runs into trouble (But you wouldn’t be, because you could schedule a 1:1 counseling appointment in the OCPD for support!)

What do I do next if…?

• I want a structured mentoring opportunity? That's great! Have a look at some of the mentoring opportunities that are available on campus. Also check out your professional association to see if they have any structured mentoring programs.
• I want to find my own mentor? Also great! We encourage you to start with the UCSFconnect to find to search for individuals who are open to talking about their career path and or open to mentorship.

If I'm going it alone, do I just ask someone to be my mentor?
Usually, no. The professional etiquette that seems to work best for both parties if you don't start off with a "Will you be my mentor" conversation. Your worst case scenario is if you ask someone to be you be my mentor, they say yes, and then as you get to know them you realize that you have different approaches or they actually aren't going to be as helpful as you we had hoped. Instead start with a low-key "small ask" strategy – for some advice or an informational interview to get to know the person and see if you actually like to work with them.

• What are examples of 'small asks'? You can ask a potential Career Mentor if you can have 30 minutes of their time to ask them about their career path, which is also known as asking for an informatonal interview. You could ask a potentia Field Mentor if they could take 30 minutes to explain something to you, or give you feedback on a project you are thinking of, or advice based on their experience regarding a situation you are facing.  That contained interaction will give you insight as to whether the person would be a god mentor. 
• Slide into mentorship with the 'drop-by-drop' method:  After that first contained interaction, you can say "thank you" and ask to keep in touch. And then let them follow and be a part of your adventure. Update them on your journey every time something they said or suggested was beneficial to you. That will signal that the time and energy they invested in speaking with you was not wasted. If they ask you to do something or suggest you do something, do it and let them know how it turned out. Their ask/suggestion mean you will have a reason to reach out again and perhaps ask for something else.
  
  These "drop-by-drop' relationship-strengthening activities can lead into mentorship, without you ever having to specifically use the words, "Will you be my mentor.' 
• How do I find out if someone is open to mentoring? As we mentioned before, tools like UCSF Connect ask mentors to specifically state their willingness to mentor. However, another way to find out is to ask people about what roles mentors have played in their own career and how they found their own mentors.  You can ask this at networking events and in informational interviews. Their answers will give insight about how to skillfully approach them.
• How can I get more help in finding a mentor? ​ If you have any questions about finding a mentor, you can schedule an appointment with the OCPD for one-on-one career counseling to develop your own strategy. 
  
  If you want more help on understanding how to structure an informational interview we have a great guide about how you structure informational interviews and sample questions.

What if someone asks me to BE their mentor?
We encourage you to give yourself a little space before answering the question. If someone asked to be your mentor, it might be helpful to say something:

 “Why don't we schedule coffee /time to talk so I can hear a little bit more about your goals and what type of mentoring support you'd need. I can then think about whether or not I have the time and the expertise to meet your needs. If I don't, I'll let you know and we perhaps help you brainstorm other ways to find someone.”

Then have the conversation and give yourself a week to think about it. And then you can let them know your decision.

• If it's yes, you can say: “Obi Wan, it was great talking to you last week. Based on your goals and my schedule, I'd be happy to be your mentor for the next quarter slash for this project. Why don't we set up a time to talk in more detail.”
• If it's no, you could say: “Yoda, it was great talking to you last week. But based on your needs, i don't feel I have the bandwidth to commit to the support I think you/your project might need right now. So, I need to turn down your request to mentor you/mentor you on this project.”

In the end mentor ship only works if it works for both the mentor and the mentee so be honest with yourself and with them about what you are able and willing to offer.

Help in finding a mentor or have questions about being a mentor? Click here to schedule an appointment with the OCPD and talk to a counselor. We can help!

Click here to complete our 2-question quest and enter our $50 raffle!
 

Click here to complete our 2-question quest and enter our $50 raffle!

We end our journey with week five: how to maintain and end a mentoring relationship skillfully. 

Last week we talked about how frequently you should be in touch. The concept was let people follow your journey, and the benchmark was to 1) reach out with an update and/or an expression of appreciation every time something the person advised on did helped you, 2) touch base around any calendar milestone (happy new year!) or  3) 3-6 months. 

Maintaining the relationship

As a Mentee: How do you get back on track if you ghosted someone?
What if you’ve let your communications lapse several months or year?  The relationship has gone very cold – is there any way to reinvigorate it?

Yes!

Move into option 2 – a calendar milestone, to reactivate with an email  message.  In this case you're not asking for anything, you're just going to send a message of thanks, and if they respond, you can move ahead with asking for advice, to meet, etc.

Check out some variations of messages that people have sent below. 

One final tip when sending the email is to reference a reminder - for example, link to your linkedin profile or attach it to your last email - even if it was several years ago - so they can reread your exchange. 

As a Mentor: How do you get back on track if you've been ghosted.
Your mentee may grow busy, let your correspondence lapse, and feel so embarrassed they may not know how to overcome what they think is a faux pas. You may feel that you are highly approachable, and can't imagine that your mentee would have any concerns, but the mentee usually feels the power differential more than a mentor. The best way you can help is to 'leave the door open'.  You have two goals: signal understanding and light up the way back to you.  

You will also look for the mentee's milestones or general milestones. 

How often does one reach out, before 'giving up'?
Because folks are busy, we suggest sending out 2-3 'bids' to connection. People may not respond to the first message. If they don't respond by the 2-3 time, it's probably not you. Just let the relationship hiberate, and be open to reconnecting in the future. 

Ending the relationship

How do mentors and mentees intentionally end a relationship?
A more accurate definition is that you’re ending this stage or cycle of your mentoring relationship. Your present cycle could end for one of  3 reasons: the mentee achieved their goal. 2) the mentee's goal changed or 3) something changed for either the mentor or mentee, that relationship no longer works. (e.g., an illness, a life change, etc.)

In all cases, for both parties, the 3 benchmarks to close our a relationship include: 

1.  Saying thank you
2.  Specifically telling them what you appreciated about your time together.
3.  Signaling how you’d like to keep in touch. 

For example:

But what if  my mentor gave un-usable advice/my mentee was difficult?
Even if you feel your mentor gave you subpar support, you can still say ‘thank you for all of your time and advice/thank you for taking the time. I appreciate it."  If you feel your mentee was difficult, you can still say "I wish you well."   You never know about relationships, so unless the relationship was toxic, we encourage both mentors and mentees to try to maintain some type of connection. One reasons to keep a profile on LinkedIn or Doximity (for MDs), is precisely because you can both keep in touch but keep your distance.

How often do we keep in touch if they aren't in an active mentoring relationship? 
Once again, you revert to milestones, or 1-2 a year, if you see something that would interest them or something they said or did helps you. 

Click here to complete our 2-question quest and enter our $50 raffle!